It is about 7:45 AM on Saturday morning. I awoke at 7:15 and knew a snow storm came in the night. I went to the window to peak out at the “damage” and instead was greeted with a beautiful scene of soft lovely snow, covering a peaceful world.

I could not close the window curtain again to hide the light and go back to sleep. Instead I lye here in the darkness with only the light from the early morning sky coming in as I stare out the window from my bed, at this beautiful scene.

How perfect and peaceful everything looks. I hate the fact that soon the world will awake and disturb this beautiful scene of soft stillness.

As I lay here my mind continues to go towards God and the wonder of what is to come. It is silly but in my mind I think God has a special love for me – we have a special relationship and He won’t allow me to be hurt. Then I step back into reality, realizing all of those who have gone before me who were much more faithful to God and I’m sure felt the same way – that somehow they were protected from the pain and fear of death.

I talk to God a lot. He is usually the first one I talk to when I wake and is usually the last one I talk to when I lay to sleep. The problem is, I do all the talking. I have never been properly trained on how to LISTEN to God. Because of this, I feel trapped in a life of guessing, with a great fear of doing anything because I fear what I am doing is listening to myself and not the instruction of God and so I only stand still and then end up (after a time of standing) feeling angry, sad and frustrated.